My Dear Santa,

I happened to become privy to Diogenes’ letter (he asked me how to spell a few words) and just wanted to say that I am very proud of my nephew. His logic is impeccable.

I say give him what he wants, with the exception of the puppy or kitten. Instead, I suggest setting him up with the schoolyard bully (the other one), or your choice of Christian Right televangelist.

I hope you enjoy the cookies and tea I’ll be leaving under the tree for you this year. Also, I hope you appreciate the lighter workload you will have at my abode, as the other members of my family will no longer be requiring gifts. Ever.

Merry Christmas, Santa,
Cornelia Pendergast

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