Untitled fanfic
by deering
URL: http://www.bluecatsgraphics.com/pean/fanfics/77/

(With apologies to LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS maestros Alan Mencken and Howard Ashman for use of their song, “Dentist.”)


Diogenes: “When I was young—just a vile little kid.
Few noticed curious things I did
Like piercing peacocks with a crossbow gun
I’d slash up horses—and when I was done
I’d seize some random fool and scoop out his head
But then my family’s portraits said...”

Various Heads Floating in Jars: “What did they say?”

Diogenes: “They said my boy we think someday...
You’ll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay...
So... be a genius.”

Heads: “Free-range sadist”

Diogenes: “You have a talent for causing things pain.
So, be a genius...”

Heads: “Total badness.”

Diogenes: “The world will tremble when you’re inhumane.
Your temperament’s wrong for the priesthood
And law enforcement would suit you still less
So, be a genius...
And be a success...”

Head One: “There he is, folks—the leader of the wack!”

Head Two: “Watch him tech-out that tomb—oh, my God!”

Head Three: “He’s so brilliant, he’s just too damm good.”

Heads: “Whoever heard of some Marquis de Sade?”

Viola: “Ouch, that hurts. Dear, I’m not numb.”

Diogenes: “Oh, shut _up_. On your knees! Here I come!
I am a genius.”

Heads: “Joy-filled psycho.”

Diogenes: “And I enjoy the career that I picked.”

Heads: “He loves it.”

Diogenes: “I am a genius.”

Heads: “Global menace.”

Diogenes: “And I get off on the pain I inflict!”

Heads: “He _really_ loves it.”

Diogenes: “I thrill when I kill those who trusted
That mere meds could cure _my_ mal-a-just-ment...
Genius!
And as I cause my prissy brother distress...
Somewhere...somewhere down in hell below me
I know my evil ancestors are _so_ proud of me...

(pause)

Hey, Comstock—top this, you loser!

(does a triumphant Chicken Dance)

Cause I’m pure genius...
And a success!
Scream loud...”

Viola and Helpless Cream-of-New-York Folks: “Aaaaah”

Diogenes: “Go mad...”

Viola and HCONYF: “AAahhhhHH”

Diogenes: “Scream _loud_!”

Viola and HCONYF: “AAgggghghgghghghghghghghghghgghgh!!”

Diogenes: “Now..._die_!”