(To the tune of Hello, Muddah, Hello Faddah)


Ave, mater
Ave, pater
How’s my righteous, boring frater?
Camp is over
Shortly, I fear
But I’m penning this to ask if I can stay here.

All the busboys
Hate our money
And they say my
Eyes look funny.
Now we have to
Do our own dishes
Busboys last as long as pets of Aloysius.

And the counselors
Are all female
I think I’ve found
The holy grail.
All the pretty
Ones I’ve raided
Cause with cutlery they’re easily persuaded.

So I take them
To the woods
Tell them I wanna
See the goods.
Then I strip them
Of their illusions
Often leaving them
In need of blood transfusions.

Let me stay
We’re doing nature skills today.
I’m learning how to follow trails
And how to set a trap...
And how to build a fire.

Let me stay
Don’t interrupt my work, I pray.
Why, I’m about to undertake
A study of anatomy
With Bambi and his mom.

I’ll be gracious
I’ll be gentle
I’ll try not to
Be too mental.
I’ll cut out the
Necrophilia.
I will even eat the treats from Aunt Cornelia.

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