Made cookies for the orderlies today. Such a flurry of flashing lights and frantic bustling out of doors a short time later — oh, dear! I do like flashing lights.

Orderly Watkins was taken to the hospital by ambulance yesterday. They think he will regain control of his bowels after surgery and intensive rehabilitation. Such a nice man, Mr. Watkins, though he didn’t like my cookies. Saw him drop his in the trash when he thought I wasn’t looking. But then he was ever so kind to hold my needlepoint pillow for me while I passed out the rest of the cookies. Why do bad things happen to such nice people?

My dear brother Ambergris visited me today! After all these years. Thought he’d put on weight but he looked much better than the last time I saw him. Didn’t think much of the woman he was with, but was too polite to say. He said she was his wife, but I know a lady of the night when I see one! She looked like the sort who would not bother to shut the door while...well, you know. I’m too polite to say. I do believe Ambergris is getting forgetful in his old age tho’ as he asked me several questions about the family history. V. strange. Tried to offer him a mint julep but the help were particularly useless today. Will have to go about replacing some of them again, I fear.

I hate mashed potatoes.

Accidentally severed an artery in Orderly Fenks’ leg — fortunately for him my aim was off. The poor dear had only been here three days — such a terrible thing to happen. He had been cautioned not to turn his back on me but I could tell he wasn’t taking the warning seriously. I had nothing against him but if the help will not pay attention to instructions there is no use keeping them on any longer than necessary.

Have been thinking about the past since Ambergris’ visit. There is such a hullabaloo about this Event that was supposed to have ruined Diogenes' life — honestly I don't see why I shouldn't write it down here. Let's see...where to begin... Ah, yes. This so-called Event occurred shortly before...

(talespin turns to the next page, hands shaking with eagerness, and reads...)

To the person who has been peeking into my diary and posting its contents onto the computer for others to read I should like to tell you that I have been aware of your little game for some time now, and would like to inform you that unless you have taken the appropriate precautions in handling this book (which I doubt) you will shortly experience a very painful and unique death. That particularly nasty rash on your skin isn't going to go away, at least until the skin starts sloughing off altogether. And your vision...it's been a little blurry, hasn't it? Don't bother getting your prescription adjusted. The ringing in your ears? Try tilting your head this way and that to change the pitch and see if you can get it to play 'Ode to Joy'. I'll bet by now you're thinking you should visit the hospital? I'm sure they'll get the test results back by the time your funeral arrangements are announced in the papers. Oh, and pity you won't live long enough to see how your precious "Book of the Dead" turns out. Won't survive to see its publication now, will you? Of course I could tell you EVERYTHING, and even more than those two scriblerians who have taken it upon themselves to meddle in the affairs of the Pendergasts, but I won't.

I hope you enjoyed reading my diary...talespin!

:(

Is it hot in here? I actually am sweating a little...

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