Went to Capraia today with Pendergast to track down a lead. Turns out this Lady Viola’s great-grandfather was a famous violin player who shagged some Duke’s wife in England. Now there’s something to be proud of. Still, the great-grandfather was Italian so how bad can she be?

Good Grief. Saw P.’s eyes glazing over early on. Not much makes him speechless but I guess there’s a first time for everything. You’d think she’d won ’Best of Breed’ at Westminster the way V. went on about her pedigree. “Being ‘up front’”, she called it. Thought she was going to pull out ribbons and trophies for a minute there. And ‘Don’t call me Lady’? Yeah. Right. I didn’t — just to piss her off.

V. said she found Fosco charming, which pretty much sums up how much sense she’s got.

Imprisoned by Fosco and threatened with gruesome death. Would be upset but got to spend the night with A. Neither of us slept much.

Got searched by F.’s men today. The Fat F. made them search P. in front of me. I was outraged to see their hands on him but in the end found it pretty hot. Admit I was rather turned on which was v. embarrassing when it was my turn to be searched, but I think they were impressed. (What can I say?) Oh, and P. managed to hide a lock pick on one of our captors. He has such capable hands. Never knew he wore a necklace before, though.

Escaped from the castle. Was a bit disappointed when we were locked up together half naked in the dark and the first thing P. wanted to do was escape. WTF? Plus, he wanted me to make noise while he did something else, and didn’t want to help me. Sure. Good old Vincent. Why do I always have to do all the work? Have to admit we make a good team as everything came together in the end as usual.

P. ran off to get eaten by dogs. Sometimes his ideas don’t make sense to me right away, but he likes to keep his plans to himself and is usually right. Waited for him for a while, but guess he really did get eaten. I wonder if that was part of his plan? Will sit here some more and think about it.

Occurs to me that P. may not be dead after all. Must go fetch police to save dear P.!

Returned to Fosco’s castle to look for P. No trace of him. Stuck around after the police left and fried the Fat F. with the microwave gun. Smelled like bacon which made me hungry so I decided to go home as there is absolutely nothing like an American bacon double-cheeseburger in Italy. Also their ’espresso’ sucks.

Home in New York. V. tired. Laura v. happy to see me. Says there is an opening on the NYPD force. Apparently they have a new application policy and I spent last night auditioning for it? I miss Pendergast. Got my bacon double-cheeseburger but it just isn’t the same without P. making polite faces of disgust at my food preferences.

Shacked up with Laura but at least got out of shitHampton. Fair trade, imho. Made omelets for both of us for breakfast this morning and was teary in the elevator from the onions. New elevator operator really weird; kept looking at me funny. Like he doesn’t smell?!?

Laura pinched elevator operator the other day and warned me not to turn my back on him as he didn’t respond to her. As if that means anything.

Am now certain the elevator operator is a perv. Caught him looking at me the way P. used to, but that was different. P. didn’t smell like ‘Eau de Armpit’.

Why is this elevator stopping?

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