Abandon
by Oracle Phoenix
URL: http://www.bluecatsgraphics.com/pean/fanfics/25/

“I never abandon myself to anything.”

That was the warning he had given her the first time that they made love and for almost a year now he had kept that promise. Yet she had abandoned herself to him almost from the moment they met. For two years she had loved him in silence; had longed for him from afar. She had been his ally, his associate, and at times, she flattered herself, they had almost been friends. But he had never seen her true feelings. She had taken great pains to hide them; afraid she would lose him forever if he were to find out.

It had been by mistake that they had come together. He had been handling his brother Diogenes’ estate. Allotting the last of it to various causes. After his brother had died at his hands, Aloysius Pendergast had sworn he would have nothing to do with the younger man’s fortune. In the end, however, he had been forced to, at least, find places for the money and the task of going through old papers and forms always seemed to bring about an unfair number of painful memories.

It was following one of these sessions that they had met at his apartment at the Dakota. She was bringing information he required to wrap up a recent case but that was just the reason she gave him, merely a cover. In truth, she was checking up on him. Making sure he was okay. When she arrived, she found a lonely, world-weary man standing in for the seemingly invincible agent that she knew so well. He greeted her in his usual, gentlemanly fashion but she sensed something wrong from the start. His usual self-assurance and natural grace were, tonight, a brittle mask and when he didn’t think she was looking, exhaustion and anxiety clouded his eyes and tugged down the corners of his mouth.

Like any good friend, she had attempted to comfort him, subtly of course. Somehow, in the attempt, she had revealed herself to him. To this day she couldn’t be sure how he had known. After that evening, they had become closer. He had opened himself up to her on his terms. Always on his terms. But that was all right. She loved him and she was willing to play by his rules in order to keep him with her.

“I never abandon myself to anything.”

His solemn warning had come nearly two months later. It would be the first time they had lain together. At the time, it had not fazed her, had not driven her away. She wanted him so badly and she had waiting for so long. That night she had offered him her soul but he had given only his body. It had felt so wonderful, so absolutely right, that she had told herself it didn’t matter. But as time wore on and the initial thrill faded and died, the gesture began to seem empty.

She knew that he didn’t mean to hurt her. When he told her that he loved her, she never doubted him. He was a good man; loyal and noble to the core. But even the bravest of knights has some weakness and on some level, she knew, he was afraid. He was afraid to let himself go, to trust himself to another person, because for so many years he had had only himself to believe in. But one day, she would make him understand that he could believe in her.

It was 9 o’clock at night when they came through the door of his apartment. His hand rested gently on the small of her back. He had been touching her more lately, she had noticed. The thought made her smile. Even baby steps were steps just the same, she mused. He had been in a very good mood tonight and they had had a great time. It amazed her how playful he could be when he became comfortable with a person.

She stood on her toes to brush her lips against his as he closed the door behind them.

“You’re too tall,” she pouted.

“Perhaps you are simply too short,” he replied.

There was a playful glint in his pale, intelligent eyes that still made her heart race after all this time.

“I am not short!” she protested gamely.

He pushed her back against the wall, towering over her to prove a point. He was always gentle when he touched her but there was so much power and muscle behind his every movement that it was hard at times not to feel a bit overwhelmed by his strength.

“It would appear that I am at least a foot taller than you,” he said matter-of-factly, raising his eyebrows.

She did not reply. There was nothing to argue. For a moment she remained unmoving, basking in the warmth and security of his nearness. Then she reached up to run a hand through his fine, pale hair.

“No matter,” she said with a teasing smile.

She slid her hand around to the back of his head and gently pulled him down to her level, kissing him softly at first, then more passionately as he leaned down to deepen the kiss. She lost herself for a moment, closing her eyes and leaning into him. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer and she found herself at his mercy as usual.

Slowly he ended the kiss and as the world swam back into focus, a realization came to her. Tonight was the night. She had felt his openness and his need in his kiss. There would never be a better time to convince him to give himself up to her. Her mind made up, she began to put her plan into action.

She kissed him again, more urgently this time, her heart racing as he responded with equal force and desire. She felt him harden against her abdomen and she slipped her hands beneath his suit jacket, untucking his shirt. He began moving them in the direction of the bedroom, both of them shedding clothes along the way.

When at last they reached the bedroom, he laid her down on the bed, covering her with his body. She could feel all of the muscles of his wiry frame tensing as he positioned himself on top of her, all the while kissing her reverently on her neck and along her jaw. He leaned back to plant kisses along her collarbone and trailed a gentle hand along her front, pausing to caress her breasts before traveling ever downward to her thighs. His strong, capable hand gently massaged the inside of her thighs before moving upward once more. Her mouth formed a small “o” of surprise and her back arched involuntarily as he slipped first one finger, then two, inside of her. He had never done that before. He massaged her in slow, methodical circles, building in intensity until she thought that her world would collapse. At the last moment, he removed his hand, drawing a whimper from her throat.

As Aloysius prepared to enter her, she recovered just enough to recall her purpose. She placed a restraining hand on his bare chest and fixed him with a wry smile.

“Bad agent,” she whispered a little breathlessly. “I’ll be running the show this evening.”

This seemed to startle him and he froze for a moment as her words sunk in. She took advantage of his surprise, using it to gain the upper hand. Before he could protest, she had moved from beneath him, turning him over in the process, and had perched herself atop him, straddling his waist. She kissed him and smiled gently to reassure him, and then angled her body downward, preparing to take him into her mouth. She felt his body tense beneath her. When she met his gaze he looked uneasy. She moved back up to kiss his jaw and looked into his eyes.

“Trust me Aloysius,” she implored. “I love you.”

The wary look did not completely disappear but she felt his body relax and took it as permission to continue. With the feeling that she was entering uncharted territory, she took him into her mouth, caressing him with her tongue and felt him tense once more, this time in pleasure. After a moment, she pulled away and her wicked side was delighted to hear him mimic her earlier whimper in spite of himself. She was winning.

She moved until she was over him and hesitated for just a moment before sliding down on top of him in one smooth movement. He gasped and stilled and she began to move. She rocked hard backward and forward, feeling his hips buck upward to meet her. She was being rough with him on purpose. She could feel him holding back, waiting for her, always the gentleman but tonight that wasn’t what she wanted. She felt dizzy and breathless; knew she was nearing the brink but she forced herself to calm down. Again, she marveled at his self-control. Time to tip the tables a little more in her favor.

Still moving, she leaned forward and reached beneath them, running a hand over his testicles. She felt his body begin to tremble and then felt him coming hard within her. She heard him cry out as he finally lost control and at last she allowed her own climax to wash over her.

As they caught their breath, she stole a glance at him and smiled. His eyes were closed, eyelashes resting softly against pale cheeks, lips parted slightly. His lovely blond-white hair was damp and disheveled. As she looked at him, his eyes flitted open and he smiled at her, perhaps the truest smile she had ever seen him give. He reached up to cup her cheek with his hand and his fingers sifted through her long hair.

“I thought you said you never abandoned yourself to anything,” she challenged after a moment.

He looked away.

“I never meant to,” he admitted.

“And yet you’re still in one piece.”

His eyes returned to her, searching her own.

“You really can trust me Aloysius. I swear I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never turn away.”

She ran her hand across his cheek, feeling the ridges of his high cheekbones with the back of her hand.

“You don’t need to hide from me.”

“I suppose I’ll have to get used to that,” he said quietly.

“I wish you would.”

Pendergast reached up and she felt his strong arms close around her, drawing her to his chest.

“I love you,” he whispered into her ear.

“I love you too. I always will.”

She shifted until she could get her arms around him and she pulled him close. He looked at her in mild surprise.

“Get used to it,” she said with a grin, brushing his lips with a chaste kiss.

After another moment’s uncertainty he relaxed into her arms and, for the first time in his life, Aloysius Pendergast allowed himself to fall asleep first.