I met a red-haired D-Man once,
Way down where the lilies blow.
I asked him what was in his bag
And if he would not show?

He slightly frowned,
And with a smile,
He tied me to a tree.
You'd like to know, my Little Friend?
You'd like a piece of me?

I shook my head,
I did not cry,
I did not want a piece.
But I don't think his offer was
Real to say the least.

Eventually
I felt a touch,
Of something hard and long,
And then I felt my panties go,
I got the “piece” all wrong.

I often think
Of that old tree,
And how the lilies blew,
A red-haired diamond in the rough,
Oh, gods! I want Part Two....   read more »

While she was waiting, the troll...   read more »

10. He has a hot (sane) older brother who has told you his younger brother is crazy.

9. You have seen historical and forensic evidence that he is a murderer.

8. He takes you through a portrait gallery talking about his dead, crazy ancestors.

7. He explains where he lives in psychedelic colors when in actuality he is colorblind.

6. He knows dead languages.

5. Foreplay involves knives.

4. He gives rodents instead of roses.

3. He encourages you to drink hallucinogenic and banned alcoholic substances, even though you are (physically) below the legal drinking age.

2. He recites poetry to you.

...and the number one reason to tell that that you're in danger of falling for a serial killer:

1. You've been a teenager for over 100 years and have never had sex. Leng was a nihilist and Proctor hasn't been any more "forthcoming" than his master. It's about time....   read more »

Diogenes: “When I was young—just a vile little kid.
Few noticed curious things I did
Like piercing peacocks with a crossbow gun
I’d slash up horses—and when I was done
I’d seize some random fool and scoop out his head
But then my family’s portraits said...”

Various Heads Floating in Jars: “What did they say?”

Diogenes: “They said my boy we think someday...
You’ll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay...
So... be a genius.”

Heads: “Free-range sadist”

Diogenes: “You have a talent for causing things pain.
So, be a genius...”

Heads: “Total badness.”

Diogenes: “The world will tremble when you’re inhumane.
Your temperament’s wrong for the priesthood
And law enforcement would suit you still less
So, be a genius...
And be a success...”

Head One: “There he is, folks—the leader of the wack!”

Head Two: “Watch him tech-out that tomb—oh, my God!”

Head Three: “He’s so brilliant, he’s just too damm...   read more »

“I see a silver phoenix circling
As I escape from the train...
I barely dodge a red cat
Staring evilly through the rain...
I’m having ghastly, ghastly visions...
You vixens—you’re in every one, yeah!
And it’s only luck I dodged those shots—
From that...   read more »

1. You make SIM characters and try to recreate the books.
2. You have a pet with a characters name that you got after you read BRIMSTONE.
3. Fan girl is a compliment.
4. You read/write more fan fiction than you change your skivvies.
5. You have a stuffed cat named Aloysius.
6. You think DOD should be made into a video game on the Wii.
7. You dream events of the books.
8. Your friends tell you to get off the message board and to do your homework.
9. Diogenes might be something you’ll name your firstborn.
10. You want to smack Viola (among of things)....   read more »