My dear brother, As I know you have not yet met your demise, I am sending you a houseguest to help care for your burns. You were so kind to me about my injuries, how could I possibly ignore yours? Besides, I know you are already quite familiar with her. I believe she comes bearing a gift of olive oil. I deposited an extra 25 mil in your account for good measure. Best, Frater.   (l.85)


Dearest Frater Major, Thanks ever so for the surprise package. As you probably know by now, my treasured valise was a casualty of what turned out to be a most extraordinary train trip. I afforded many years to the collection that I thought had been lost to me forever. However, due to your gracious gift, I have now begun replenishing and replacing the little "doodads" that made my...   read more »

9:15 Arise.

9:30 Still arising.

9:47 Arisen.

9:48 Quick visit to the “Little Titled Nobelwomen’s” Room

10:30 My! That certainly was a gas. Note to self: Forget the olive dip before retiring.

10:32 A few moments for morning ablutions and a bit if a sample of that lovely new “Au Naturale” makeup I ordered from HSN.

12:00 Oh, Fiddellyfarts! I missed “The Wiggles” again! I wonder if the tall dark-haired one plays soccer. Oh,well. I look gorgeous! That new makeup certainly brings out the smashing highlights in my luxurious hair. Note to self 2: Stick with L’Oreal #15. It’s a keeper.

12:01. Where is Sophia with my breakfast? I simply can’t begin the day without my tea and bread soldiers. Or any kind of soldiers for that matter. (Tee Hee. Oh, Viola! You naughty, naughty tramp, er, scamp!)

12:05 Thank God, that lazy girl has finally brought breakie and oh, goody! A new issue of “Sports Illustrated”! I...   read more »

Woke up in Pisa with a headache. Nurse was a very tall man in drag with mismatched eyes who kept poking me. V. gentle hands, though.

Got out of the hospital today. Yay! Sun very bright. Vincent ditched me and just realized nurse was my evil little brother. Bummer.

Arrived back in America today. Don’t think anyone saw through my disguise tho’ the Customs Agent made a pass at me. Spent an hour being strip searched. Not sure if it was legal but got his phone number when we were done. Guess I am hot no matter what I do.

Found Vinnie shacked up with Laura. WTF? After all we’ve been through... Laura outranks him so maybe he is being coerced. Have obtained a position as a doorman in his building and will observe. He looked weepy this morning so maybe a good sign.

‘Eau de Armpit’ is working wonders for me. Have only...   read more »

First meeting with Margo Green, new editor of Museology and old friend of Bill’s. She wants to return the Tano masks — WTF? Knows nothing about Native Amer. culture. Luckily Board of Directors expected to agree with me.

At lunch w/ Bill at Bones saw Margo; they had exceedingly sappy reunion. Just found out that Bill called Margo “Lotus Blossom” while they were hunting the Museum Beast. WTF? Does he try to hook up with every woman he hunts monsters with?

Bill just called claiming that the paper’s sending him to NJ to cover some casino scandal. Whatever; he’s probably screwing Margo. Bastard.

Menzies helped with Tano masks. V. charming; if Bill continues to be a fuck may consider affair w/ him.

Huh. Apparently Margo not screwing Bill tonight as she invited me for dinner. Will go as have nothing better to do.

Margo v. good cook, nicer than I first thought. Sort of pretty,...   read more »

Poor frater. Have obtained all the samples I need, but like poking him so took some more just for fun today. He called me Viola in his sleep and made kissy faces at me. Always hated when he did that... Now... who is this Viola person? At least I hope it is a person. Cannot bear to think about the physical contortions involved in loving a musical instrument. He is bendy but that is just sick.

Have located the ‘Viola’ frater referred to. And yes, it is a woman. (Will wonders never cease?) Apparently he met her for three hours the other day and is now in love. Please. Frater is more hard up than I imagined; Vinnie must be v. stingy with his favors. Will drop the English wench a line and see if she really is that easy.

Back in America. Customs Agent came on to me. He is now...   read more »

Made cookies for the orderlies today. Such a flurry of flashing lights and frantic bustling out of doors a short time later — oh, dear! I do like flashing lights.

Orderly Watkins was taken to the hospital by ambulance yesterday. They think he will regain control of his bowels after surgery and intensive rehabilitation. Such a nice man, Mr. Watkins, though he didn’t like my cookies. Saw him drop his in the trash when he thought I wasn’t looking. But then he was ever so kind to hold my needlepoint pillow for me while I passed out the rest of the cookies. Why do bad things happen to such nice people?

My dear brother Ambergris visited me today! After all these years. Thought he’d put on weight but he looked much better than the last time I saw him. Didn’t think much of the woman he was with, but was too polite...   read more »

Have just arrived at Capraia. Ernesto and I called it quits yesterday and I want to gather my wits together before moving on to Cecil. Thinking of ringing him tonight, tho’ may wait until tomorrow.

Had the most interesting visit from a Count Fosco this afternoon. What a wonderful, charming man! He gave me an envelope to deliver to an American man with a side-kick who he said would be coming by for it. Oooh! I wonder if C.F. is psychic?!? I’ve never dated a psychic before...it bears thinking about.

If I married a Count would that make me ‘Lady Countess Viola’, or ‘Countess Lady Viola’? They both have a certain ring to them...

Was mucking about in the garden today when two American gentlemen came wandering over the hill. Such a delightful surprise! I could tell they were taken with me immediately. The old ‘pull the hair out from under the hat...   read more »

Went to Capraia today with Pendergast to track down a lead. Turns out this Lady Viola’s great-grandfather was a famous violin player who shagged some Duke’s wife in England. Now there’s something to be proud of. Still, the great-grandfather was Italian so how bad can she be?

Good Grief. Saw P.’s eyes glazing over early on. Not much makes him speechless but I guess there’s a first time for everything. You’d think she’d won ’Best of Breed’ at Westminster the way V. went on about her pedigree. “Being ‘up front’”, she called it. Thought she was going to pull out ribbons and trophies for a minute there. And ‘Don’t call me Lady’? Yeah. Right. I didn’t — just to piss her off.

V. said she found Fosco charming, which pretty much sums up how much sense she’s got.

Imprisoned by Fosco and threatened with gruesome death. Would be upset but got to spend...   read more »