The Museum’s alive,
With the sound of screaming.
With screams it abounds,
Every couple years.

The Major Events,
Have turned out as bloodbaths.
Have dinner there,
You’ll be the meat.

You know the shows,
Won’t be monster-free.
’tween lilies and old tombs
So once the lights go dim
Drop your fork and run for the street!

’cause the Museum’s alive,
With the sound of screaming
Screams that have rung,
’gainst a thousand ears.
If an invite you get,
To a new exhibit,
Make any excuse
But please leave town....   read more »

Somewhere on the small, rock-strewn island of Capraria, in a small cottage by the sea, the blazing colors of the setting sun painted a series of shifting, weaving patterns on the white stuccoed walls of the bedroom in which reclined a heavy-lidded Aloysius Pendergast. The fragrance of a lightly-scented lotus blossom perfume mixed maddeningly with the heavier scents of the sea outside carried in through the open French doors by way of a cooling breeze that found its way into the ordinarily stifling room.

Aloysius lay naked on the bed. His now lightly sun-kissed body was noticeably leaner from his recent prison sojourn but still heavily muscled and fit for any kind of action. The pale blonde hair on his chest moved rhythmically with his breathing; he lay with hands lighlty folded across his taut belly one leg slightly raised at the knee.

Thoughts of former loves whirled slowly through his mind:...   read more »

Please be a Lady tonight,
For once be a Lady tonight,
A Lady doesn’t wander from brother to brother,
Try to be a Lady tonight.

Poor Aloysius was blue,
So to your island he flew,
But when he knew your mission he ran right back to prison,
Lucky you’re no Lady tonight....   read more »

Man of my dreams
Or so I thought not long ago
You weren’t really what you seemed
Can’t believe I was the last to know

You made a fool of me that night
But I’m not your fool anymore
I’m going to bring you to your knees

Hell hath no fury
And you can’t run from me forever, no no no
You shouldn’t have tried to hit and run
Hell hath no fury
It was supposed to be you and me together, oh oh oh
But you were just having fun

Time’s standing still
As I wait to take my cue
When I come in for the kill
I want my aim to be true

You made a fool of me that night
But I’m not your fool anymore
I swear I’ll bring you to your knees

(Chorus)

You were so hard to read
You played hide and seek
With your true intentions
You were only playing games
Now it’s time to say-a-ay bye b-b-bye b-b-bye b-bye

You never...   read more »

Dearest Digi,

You are a very hard man to track down, you naughty scamp! If I didn’t know better I would think you were trying to avoid me!

You can’t imagine how distraught I was when you left our love nest so hastily. I must have cried for nearly two minutes straight! Shame on you for making my eyes puffy, Digi. However I understand how your career requires you to travel at a moments notice, and I know how much your work means to you. Still, a note would have been nice as I have quite a collection of farewell notes from men, and would like for it to be as complete as possible.

I have just gotten back from being an Egyptologist in Egypt. Technically I am there for the ancient manuscripts but it’s always nice when one finds a bone on the side....   read more »

Viola walked up the path in the growing darkness, looking down at the small scrap of paper in her hand. She continued walking until a cottage became visible through the trees, its general appearance one of neglect and desertion. Undismayed, she tucked the paper into her pocket and turned down the overgrown track that led toward it.

She rapped on the door and waited. Nearly a minute passed before she heard the sound of someone on the other side.

The lock scraped and a dark patch appeared, opening into an interior even more gloomy than the dusk outside. “Why, Viola!” The man glanced past her into the darkness, then turned his attention back to her and smiled, swinging the door wide. A glint of red flickered in his good eye. “I see you received my note. Do come in; I hardly imagined you would respond...   read more »

Ave, mater
Ave, pater
How’s my righteous, boring frater?
Camp is over
Shortly, I fear
But I’m penning this to ask if I can stay here.

All the busboys
Hate our money
And they say my
Eyes look funny.
Now we have to
Do our own dishes
Busboys last as long as pets of Aloysius.

And the counselors
Are all female
I think I’ve found
The holy grail.
All the pretty
Ones I’ve raided
Cause with cutlery they’re easily persuaded.

So I take them
To the woods
Tell them I wanna
See the goods.
Then I strip them
Of their illusions
Often leaving them
In need of blood transfusions.

Let me stay
We’re doing nature skills today.
I’m learning how to follow trails
And how to set a trap...
And how to build a fire.

Let me stay
Don’t interrupt my work, I pray.
Why, I’m about to undertake
A study of anatomy
With Bambi and his mom.

I’ll be gracious
I’ll be gentle
I’ll try not to
Be too mental.
I’ll cut out the
Necrophilia.
I will even eat the treats from Aunt Cornelia....   read more »

You'll never make stay
So get keep your hands off of me
I know your every move
You can hide nothing, you see
You've tried this shit before
But never so brazenly
You think you're God's gift to man
But you're less than nothing to me

You say that it's ok
As drop down to your knees
You know that you're what I want
You've got the thing that I need
You look up into my eyes
Oh so hungrily
The sight of you makes me ill
Why won't you just let me be

Dirty Viola, Oh
Dirty Viola, Oh
Dirty Viola, Oh
Dirty Viola

Oh, ho

I've met the boys from Man U
They love when you come to town
Some of your biggest fans
They say you like to go down
You wait outside locker room doors
Anxious to get inside
Looks like I'm the only man left
Who hasn't taken a ride

You say that it's ok
I can have you however I want
You'll be my night lovin' thing
You'll be...   read more »